At work I had a young coworker ask me a question. She wanted to know if I knew anything about Nostradamus, his predictions and the end of time as predicted in the Mayan calender. I felt flattered, until she added "since you're old and probably know about this stuff". Putting my deflated ego aside, I explained that these were two separate topics and the only thing connecting them was the doom and gloom scenario (which now days is the hip thing to espouse).
Later in the day I got to thinking about what we had discussed and wandered what it would have been like if Nostradamus and the Mayan calender maker had met. Though there are several hundred years between the Mayan Tzolk’in and Haab calenders and when Nostradamus lived, I would like to say that in this day and age facts don't seem to matter and we will dispense with them now and continue with the story.
Ever since the fall of the Roman Empire, things in central Europe had been deteriorating. Famines and war were common and a great plague had taken hold. Nostradamus, along with his leaches, were traveling throughout the land advising everyone to wash their hands, quit throwing garbage out in the street and quit playing with dead things. He was getting frustrated that no one was listening and the bodies were still piling up, which was great business for those of the Monty Python ilk that were making a living by hauling them off with the chant "Bring out your dead!". Anyway, Nostradamus was thinking it was time for a little vacation. Thumbing through the latest issue of Plague Today, he noticed an advertisement for a cruise to Mesoamerica, located in the exotic New World (even though the new world was still a few years from being discovered, remember the rule about facts).
After the nice leisurely six month voyage Nostradamus finally arrived at the Mayan resort city of Cholula, on the Yucatan Peninsula. After disembarking and checking into the fabulous Toltek hotel and flat top pyramid, free complimentary sacrifice with every breakfast, he set out for a little sight seeing. He was amazed at how clean and wide the streets were and the citizens didn't smell like last weeks foot fungus.
There were little shops selling little bobble headed Huitzilopochtli dolls, which was an Aztec sun god (oops, there goes those facts again). Nostradamus came to a little shop and seen a tradesman, looking perplexed, staring at a big round tablet that had all kinds of markings on it.
Being an inquisitive learned man (don't know what that means, but sounds good), Nostradamus asked the tradesman what the giant rock wheel was for. It was evident that it would take an elephant to pull the cart with those wheels and we all know that Hannibal didn't bring any of those when he was vacationing there.
The tradesman answered, "It isn't a rock wheel, it's a calender", and continued to stare at it.
"Well," Nostradamus said with a chuckle, "no ones going to buy that thing. It's way to big and heavy to hang on the wall".
The tradesman looks over and says, "Man, that is the least of my worries. I started making this calender and ran out of room. I am stuck at the year 2012 and not sure what to do".
Nostradamus, being somewhat of a practical joker (bet you didn't know that), came up with a solution.
"I have a great idea, why don't you just leave it ending in 2012?"
The tradesman thought for a moment, but didn't quite understand. After all he didn't like leaving things unfinished, that would not be the Mayan way and asked "What do you mean leave it this way? I have a reputation to uphold".
Nostradamus chuckles again and said, "This is going to be so funny. You leave the calender ending at 2012, that way when future people find and read it they will start freaking out and think it was the end of the world".
The tradesman thought a little more about it and said, "I'm not quite sure that would be such a great joke to play. If they find it, how are they going to assume it means the end of the world?"
Nostradamus thought for a while and said, "I've got an idea. Though I don't want to brag, I am a bit of poet. I can write some poetic quatrains about terrible things to happen. That way the conspiracy nuts can have something to link to your calender".
"Man," the tradesman said, "this is going to be so cool."
The tradesman and Nostradamus started laughing and giving each other the high five, then the low five. This was going to be the greatest joke ever. After a few minutes the tradesman finally said, "Hey, there is one problem. We won't be alive to enjoy this".
Nostradamus looked at the tradesman and said, "Let's not ruin this by getting bogged down with the facts".
Well I ask you Scott, is it coming to an end? because if it is, I might skip the gym tonight or should I skip Obama's speech instead since he too won't get bogged down with dishing out the real facts.Warmest wishes
ReplyDeleteALiza
Aliza, I hope that you skipped the gym and watched President Obama's presentation. It would have given you a far superior cardiovascular workout, compared to what you would have gotten at the gym. They should have put a medical disclaimer at the bottom of the screen. It could have read:
ReplyDelete"The Surgeon General has determined that this Presidential Address may increase the likelihood of a stroke, due to an increase of blood pressure. Large quantities of coolade is recommended".